


The Pain the Words Bring

by EternalNaga



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Hospitals, Hurt Rin, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not even by name, Pissed off Bon, god I'm lazy, the others are only mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 19:47:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11767080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalNaga/pseuds/EternalNaga
Summary: Good Lord why do I write this angsty shit?"The point is, how do you expect me to believe that you- that any of you care about my life when all you can seem to see in me is what sperm cell I was created from. You can only see the demon in me and not anything else. Did you guys forget that I'm half human too? Or the fact that Yukio is technically Satan's spawn as well, but the only person you treat differently is me? Or maybe you've forgotten that with my demonic nature I could have hurt any one of you whenever I felt like it, but I didn't!"





	The Pain the Words Bring

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was something that I wrote a while ago that's been collecting dust next to all my other unfinished fanfics. I edited it and everything, but you know how you get when you go back to an old work? You're like, god this sucks but not so much that I want to burn it but it still needs fixed but I don't want to fuck with it too much cause it's my baby...just me? Okay, enjoy!

When his life gets too quiet, Rin gets pushed back into the memories of his life before he gained a tail and a sword. By extension, he also remembers all that he's lost. His home, everything he's believed about the world, the only father figure he has ever known. Even the image of his own loving brother has evaporated, only to be replaced by a soldier that held him at gunpoint for being born into something he never asked for. At times, he feels like his world is crumbling down around him and he's caught somewhere in the rubble. After everything he's been forced into, there's no way he's okay.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Rin, wait! It's too strong! We need a plan!"  
  
Rin ignored his brothers words and charged on ahead anyways. His sword was drawn, blue flames dancing around him as if they were protecting him. He didn't even acknowledge the other members of his team as he ran past them; didn't hear their shouts of protest at his rash actions. The only thing he had on his mind was killing this beast.  
  
"Rin! You cant get close to it without getting hurt!"  
  
Not stopping, Rin slid low on the ground to avoid being swiped by a handful of huge claws. He rolled under the creature and jabbed his sword through its heart just as it slashed Rin's side. Pain bloomed where the blood was seeping out from the tears in his skin, but he focused on getting out from under the exwires latest assignment before it could crush him. Besides, it would heal in no time at all.  
  
A frenzy erupted throughout his team when he emerged from the dust cloud that the monster kicked up when it collapsed. Most of the faces he could currently see from his distance looked relieved, but they also held a great amount of worry and disappointment.  
  
Especially Yukio's.  
  
"What the hell were you thinking!" The demand was the first of the shouts to assault Rin's ears. The half demon turned to his brother first and wasn't even surprised that Yukio looked pissed beyond belief.  
  
Rin finally caught up to them with his slow and careful steps. Hand still pressed to his side to stop the bleeding, he used his free hand and his foot to put his sword back into its scabbard which had been discarded on the ground at the beginning of the fight. It's really a wonder how he never loses it.  
  
"I was thinking that we had to stop it before it reached town." Rin was a little beyond irked. He was bleeding, tired, and he just wanted to go home to eat some noodles.  
  
"You could have died though," Yukio said, his voice more pained than angry now.  
  
Rin rolled his eyes and shrugged as if it was nothing to be concerned with.  
  
"Well, I figured that my life didn't even come close to comparing with the hundreds of people that could have been killed if we didn't stop it."  
  
"You bastard! How do you think I would feel if you died?" It was Bon who spoke this time. His hair was in a disorderly mess, having been tossed every which way while everybody was running around the battle field. The look in his eyes was fierce and the glare he was sending even more so.  
  
The blue haired demon looked startled for a moment before his face slipped into confusion. He tilted his head to the side and squinted at his rooster head of a teammate. "I didn't think you would feel anything."  
  
"How heartless do you think I am?"  
  
"Not heartless... just uninterested."  
  
"Uninterested in my team mates death?"  
  
"Uninterested in the spawn of Satan's death."  
  
Everything turned deadly silent around them. The crickets that had survived the fight suddenly seemed too loud. Breathing all around the field slowed to a crawl as the realization of his words hit everyone. Bon was the first to snap out of the collective stupor, but he was only coherent enough to get out a strangled, questioning sound.  
  
"After all, you keep reminding me of the fact every chance you get. Why should now be any different?" Rin was still addressing only Bon, but his words obviously applied to everyone listening.  
  
"It's different because this is your life on the line! Not some stupid mission." Bon's voice was steadily rising, almost to the point of shouting, but he tried to keep it in check.  
  
"That's not the point here," Rin whispered, sounding as though he's given up.  
  
"Then what's the point!"  
  
"The point is, how do you expect me to believe that you- that any of you care about my life when all you can seem to see in me is what sperm cell I was created from. You can only see the demon in me and not anything else. Did you guys forget that I'm half human too? Or the fact that Yukio is technically Satan's spawn as well, but the only person you treat differently is me? Or maybe you've forgotten that with my demonic nature I could have hurt any one of you whenever I felt like it, but I didn't!" Rin was becoming hysterical. His eyes were watering, his tail curled around his leg protectively, and his wound was bleeding more profusely.  
  
It was definitely not healing.  
  
"Rin, I think you need to see a doctor."  
  
Rin grumbled and clenched his bloodied hand in his shirt where it was still keeping pressure. His vision was going blurry and he was trying to push back the fuzzy edges of his mind, but the darkness consumed him before he could even get a sound out of his raw throat.  
  
The last thing he heard before he let the darkness take him was a broken cry of his name.  
________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
What Rin noticed first when he regained consciousness was the beeping. It was a steady, electronic rhythm that nearly drove him mad. He would have been up and ready to smash whatever it was to bits if it hadn't been for the sluggishness that buried itself deep in his bones.  
  
The second thing he noticed was the pain.  
  
It was as if somebody flicked a switch and he could suddenly feel every aching muscle, every flaming body part all at once. He couldn't help the surprised and pained gush of air that pushed its way out of his lungs. He heard the steady rhythm of the beeping become slightly irregular, followed by a shuffling off to his side. He would have ignored it if it wasn't for the warm hand that encompassed his after more shuffling followed.  
  
The hand was warm and vaguely familiar. It seemed big enough to wrap around his own hand completely and he felt hard callouses dotting the otherwise smooth appendage. Feeling comforted by the touch, Rin turned his fingers and curled them around the ones holding him. His eyes slipped open almost by themselves before he blinked them back into focus.  
  
Bon sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair that rested beside his bed. His hair was even more messed up than it was last time Rin saw it and it looked as if he hadn't gotten any sleep in days. His bloodshot eyes seemed to radiate warmth and relief before they darkened and glared at him. The small smile that Rin had been wearing upon seeing his classmate and admittedly long time crush had vanished almost instantly. Bon let their fingers slide away from each other before he seemed to retreat into himself.  
  
"You selfish bastard."  
  
It was a whisper. A broken, hoarse whisper that seemed to hold all of his emotions.  
  
"Your healing has basically done shit. Its not working and you lost too much blood. Do you have any idea how I felt when you went down on that field? How I felt when the doctors said they couldn't do much to help you or how you might not have even made it through the first night?"  
  
Rin was silent as tears welled up in his eyes. He suddenly felt a wave of guilt come crashing down on him that he should have felt earlier. He knows he should have felt it earlier, but he also knows that it probably wouldn't change a thing. With or without the guilt, he would still end up sitting in this hospital bed at this very moment trying to battle all the emotions that tried to claw their way out of his heart.  
  
He would still be here listening to Bon's crushed sobs.  
  
When Rin made no move to answer him, Bon snapped and stood up abruptly in his chair. The white plastic screeched on the floor as it was shoved back roughly and hit the wall.  
  
"Do you!"  
  
The shout startled Rin so bad that he couldn't help the frightened flinch. His wounds pulled and stretched, causing a mass of pain that he tried to ignore. Tears dripped down his face and his lips were pressed in a thin, hard line to keep the sobs and hiccups in. The fuzziness from sleep still clung to him and distorted his thoughts to the point of not being able to come up with a coherent answer.  
  
A nurse who was alerted by the noise had come rushing into the room, trainers making small squeaking noises as she advanced. She turned to Bon with a disapproving glare while laying a protective hand on the foot of Rin's bed.  
  
"Sir, if you don't calm down then I'm going to have to ask you to leave."  
  
Bon sighed while grabbing the chair to slide it over and sit down again. He gripped the arms until his knuckles turned white and his breathing slowed a little. "Sorry, I- sorry."  
  
The nurse glanced at Bon with one last wary look before she walked over to the other side of the bed and pulled out a syringe from her pocket. "No worries. It's past time to give Mr. Okumura his pain medication anyways."  
  
Rin turned his head away from Bon to lift a heavy arm and wipe at his face while the nurse made a quick job of inserting the needle through his IV tube. She was gone soon enough and left Rin, Bon, and the heavy silence alone again.  
  
"Are you even sorry?" Bon's voice was soft now, holding only curiosity instead of hostility.  
  
The blue haired teenager refused to look at Bon, but he did dignify him with an answer. "It's kind of hard to be sorry for something I didn't even know about."  
  
Rin was starting to nod off now, the pain medication finally kicking in. His eyes were becoming droopy and his breath becoming slower and more relaxed. He was almost asleep when he could have sworn he felt the pressure of a pair of soft lips against his forehead.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
When Rin woke up the second time, he was completely alone. All evidence of someone else ever being in the room with him was gone and he suddenly felt all too afraid that his team had abandoned him. The quiet crept into his head and clouded his thoughts with everything that he lost, the weight of what he had done, the bitter air around him that was stale without another presence. Rin was overwhelmed with everything that has happened or is happening or what is going to happen. Everything that he was feeling crawled up his throat and squeezed his lungs until he felt like he couldn't breathe. His vision was swimming and his heart was clenching and he didn't realize he was gasping for air until his shoulders started rising and falling with the effort. He clenched his shaking fingers into his hair and only slightly startled when he felt a pair of hands make their way onto his shoulders.  
  
Through the haze and confusion, Rin could make out the sound of his name being called. He heard counting and the numbers resounded in his head until his breathing started to unconsciously match the pattern. His heartbeat slowed and it was only after the ringing in his ears stopped that he realized he was crying.  
  
He was hugging something solid and warm and realized it was Yukio when he breathed in the familiar scent of gunpowder and books. Yukio was whispering reassurances in his ear and rocking them back and forth. Rin eventually calmed down and caught a glimpse of all his classmates hanging around the door to his room, looking unsure of what to do. He averted his gaze downwards. The one thing that he probably never wanted them to see right next to his feral demon was him having a breakdown.  
  
"You alright?"  
  
Yukio's voice snapped Rin out of his thoughts, making him lift his head and look at his brother. The open concern in Yukio's eyes almost made the older of the two see the ghost of what was, but he stopped himself before those thoughts could fully manifest again. The last thing he needed was to be thrown into another panic attack.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine." Rin smiled the best he could at his brother, but that was a little hard to do when he heard the loud blip in his heart monitor. Yukio looked at him like he didn't even need the monitor to tell he was lying. They were twins after all.  
  
"Nii-san, what happened?"  
  
"Nothing. It's nothing."  
  
Another blip in the monitor, another internal cringe. God, he needed to get this damned thing off.  
  
"Well, we all came by to see how you were doing. Now that you're awake, the doctor wants to talk to you about your condition."  
  
Rin looked at him confused for a moment before he remembered that there was actually something wrong with him. You'd think that a first ever long lasting wound would hold at least half of his attention.  
  
"I don't want to see the stupid doctor," The half demon grumbled. He was bitter and more than a little annoyed about how much his classmates witnessed. He didn't want anyone else to see the state he was in, especially a stranger. Not to mention the fact that hearing about his condition would make it seem all the more real.  
  
Rin heard a 'tch' noise off to his left and his sight followed his ears to the doorway where everyone was still standing. Bon's face was the only one annoyed in the sea of pity.  
  
"Could you stop being a child for once in your life. You put yourself in this situation, now suck it up and live with the consequences."  
  
Rin looked back at his brother and steeled his expression. "I want to hear it from you," Rin said. "They would've told you what's wrong and I would rather hear it from you anyways. I don't want to see anyone else right now because I feel a little overwhelmed. Or maybe that's just me being childish."  
  
He only felt slightly satisfied when he saw multiple elbows making their way into Bon's stomach.  
  
Turning back to his brother, Rin could see Yukio gearing up in the way that he always did when he was about to give him what he wanted. "They had some specialists take a look at your condition. They all said the same thing." He seemed to pause at this, but he plowed on through. "They say that it is purely mental. The reason why you aren't healing is because you either don't want to or you think you don't deserve to."  
  
Rin for one, didn't know how to handle this information. He hated hospitals. Absolutely despised them. He thought that alone should have been enough motivation for his healing factor to kick in so he could get the hell out of here. It was obviously more severe than he thought though.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________  
  
The rest of Rin's hospital stay had been relatively uneventful. After he found out what was wrong with him, the nurse came by to finally unhook him from his heart machine. Since he was officially out of critical condition and the metaphorical "woods", his vitals didn't need to be monitored 24/7. Praise the little things in life.  
  
He was also deemed free to go the next day provided he got some rest and ate breakfast the next morning. His stomach wasn't feeling up to the challenge, so he had to coerce Shima into eating most of it for him. He owed him a big one for that. You were lucky if you tasted cardboard in the hospital meals.  
  
Rin had also found out that he was to be "babysat" at all times. Considering his apparent mental state, the doctors have deemed him unpredictable if left without supervision. Although his classmates had sworn their love for him up and down, nobody was willing to take up the job. Understandably so, Rin decided. He had a few screws lose in his head at the moment and he was prone to panic attacks. The doctors had prescribed him medication for them, informing him that with his mental vulnerability the risk of getting one would definitely increase. Hell, he wouldn't be willing to look after himself even if he was in a healthy state. Rin could only imagine what it would be like for everyone else to try and handle the awkward atmosphere that he had unintentionally build around him like a force field.  
  
"Pack up your stuff. The doctor 's bringing in your release papers."  
  
Rin turned around from his spot at the window to find Bon leaning against the door frame. He looked much better rested than when Rin had saw him upon waking up the first time. He also seemed a lot calmer, but his stormy eyes gave away what he was really feeling.  
  
He was still pissed.  
  
"Alright. Um, do you know who is taking me back to the dorms?" He refused to say home. Absolutely refused. Nothing had really felt like home ever since Shiro was gone. He didn't think that was ever going to change.  
  
Bon let out a sigh that Rin figured meant he didn't like the answer to that question. "Yeah," he replied. "I am. Now does it really matter? Hurry up. I want to get out of here as soon as possible."  
  
Rin resisted the urge to flinch at his harsh tone again. Instead, he uncurled his tail from his arm and went over to his bedside to grab what little stuff he had over there. Some 'Get Well' cards, a water bottle, and a small stack of manga volumes that Yukio had brought over so he didn't get bored. Rin was having a little bit of trouble carrying even that, but he would rather go down a flight of stairs head first than ask Bon for help when he was in a mood like this.  
  
After Rin had settled all of his stuff in a neat, condensed pile on the bed, he sat beside it and waited for the doctor to come in.  
  
"Are we ever going to talk about what happened?" The words had come tumbling out of Rin's mouth so suddenly that he didn't even know he said them until they hung in the air between them.  
  
Bon stiffened his posture and looked about ready to lash out at him, but something on Rin's face must have held him back. "It depends on whether you're talking about what happened on the field or when you woke up."  
  
"Both I guess. I'm still a little confused about everything."  
  
The teenager with the two toned hair seemed to react to that, but he kept his rage in. "I though I'd made myself pretty clear. I'm pissed because you risked your life unnecessarily and you didn't even think about the consequences. I'm also pissed because you seem to think that we don't care about you," Bon said, a growl making its way through his throat.  
  
"I think I have a right to be confused." At the enraged noise that Bon had made, Rin continued. "Did you hear nothing of what I said on that field? If you look at it from my perspective, everything you're saying is completely new. Things may seem to add up on your end, but my end still has a few holes in it."  
  
His comrade was about to respond when there was a firm knock on the open door. A middle aged man dressed in blue scrubs and a lab coat walked in brandishing a clip board. "I'm assuming you're Mr. Okumura?" He pointed at Rin and handed him the clipboard when the half demon nodded. It was a basic dismissal form that took no time to complete, but every action was feeling like it took forever to Rin.  
  
After the clipboard was handed back, it was then passed off to Bon who automatically signed his name where he was supposed to, listing that he was the one bringing the patient home. The doctor nodded at the both of them and wished them the best before walking out of the room again.  
  
"Alright, lets go."  
  
Rin nodded his head in affirmation, even though Bon's back was turned, and gathered up his stuff. He swayed slightly on his feet, the weight in his arms pulling on the stitches in his side, but he managed to stay upright and keep it moving before he fell too far behind. Bon was walking down the hall with big strides and Rin couldn't figure out what would be worse. Losing his way and getting lost because he didn't know the layout of the building or losing his way and having hell to pay from Bon for not keeping up.  
  
Rin quickly deemed the second option the worst when Bon turned back to give him a glare and tell him to hurry up. Struggling to catch up, Rin stumbled on air and dropped his items. He sank to the floor and tried to discreetly hold his side as if he could keep the pain at bay just by holding it in. Bon of course noticed immediately and rushed to get him situated again. He shoved Rin's stuff in the backpack that he was carrying and helped his hurt classmate to his feet.  
  
"If you couldn't carry it, you should have said something." Bon said, disapproval coloring his voice.  
  
Rin looked down in either shame or guilt and slowly retreated the hand that was still holding his injury. "I didn't want to bother you with it."  
  
Something in Rin's voice must have given his real reason away because Bon's hand was on his shoulder and he was backed up against the wall the next time he blinked.  
  
"Listen, Okumura. Just because I'm mad at you doesn't mean I'm not going to help. I may not approve of what you did, but you're still my friend and I have to look after you whether you like it or not."  
  
Rin looked up from under his bangs and brightened up at the smile he was receiving. He gave a small one back and Bon seemed satisfied enough to back out of his personal space and offer his hand to guide him through the busy halls. His pace was slow and relaxed; everything Rin needed to keep him on his own two feet.  
  
Maybe they could work things out after all.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Scratch that, things are definitely not working out.  
  
Five arguments, many noises of frustration, and one accidental tail trotting later, Rin decided to make a tactical retreat. He left the room under the guise of going to the bathroom and made a last minute swerve towards the kitchen. He was currently hiding inside of one of the spacious cabinets in the kitchen and somehow convinced the little kitchen monster that this was absolutely necessary.  
  
Maybe he could crash at Shima's dorm? No, that wouldn't work. Konekomaru would definitely tattle and Bon was bound to come back to his room once he found out that Rin fled the building. He was just thinking he could grab an empty classroom from the cram school to stay the night at when he heard heavy footsteps heading towards the kitchen at a fast pace.  
  
"Okumura! Get your ass out here right now!"  
  
Bon's angry voice only made Rin shrink further into the cabinet. He knew that Bon was going to figure out he was missing sooner or later. One can only spend so long in the bathroom without raising suspicion.  
  
"Okumura! I'm tired of your games! Where are you?"  
  
The poor half demon was in an immense amount of pain, having to be slowly taken off his pain medication so he didn't rely on it too much, so he was oh so tempted to just jump out and say, "Here I am" while trying to con his classmate into giving him another dose of his medication. Sadly that would also leave him in the clutches of the vengeful Suguro Ryuuji whom was not at all happy about his disappearing act.  
  
The thing was, Bon had gotten a lot more angry towards him now that Rin was healed enough to not need prolonged bed rest. He's been irritable the whole week of being back from the hospital and he would start fights about the most trivial things. He was like a bomb and everything seemed to make him tick.  
  
The heavy breathing from the pain must have gave him away because the next thing he knew, the cabinet doors were swung open to reveal a very pissed off Bon. His eyes were hard and unamused while his nostrils flared with each angry breath he took in. "Get out of there right now," he growled.  
  
Considering the fact that Rin was hurting, physically and probably emotionally too, and he hadn't eaten anything since his attempt to keep more than toast down this morning, he did not feel like moving an inch. He was perfectly happy to stay in the dark, small space and keep his curled position. It made him feel safe.  
  
"No," he said with all the determination that he could muster. It was safe in here all by himself. Out there, the ravage beast ran rampant and his tail was likely to take another one for the team.  
  
Bon sighed, seeming to give up on his quest for revenge. His face was now calm, almost devoid of emotion and he looked at Rin like he was the only one that mattered. The taut puppet strings that he seemed to carry himself around with since Rin's accident had snapped and he nearly sagged to the floor.  
  
"Rin..."  
  
Rin's ears twitched and his face flushed a brilliant red. That was the first time Bon had ever said his name. It felt...  
  
Tears welled up in Rin's eyes and he suddenly felt the need for physical contact. Bon seemed startled by the other boys tears, but his worry melted into a soft smile when Rin dived in for a hug. Bon's hands slipped around the lithe form hanging off of him and he nuzzled his face into the other's blue hair.  
  
"Rin, you mean so much to me, to everyone. We may not show it often and I'm so sorry but it's true. So you cant go pulling anymore of your hero stunts. We work stuff out together because we're a team. But I guess your stubbornness is one of the things I love about you."  
  
Rin's breath puffed against Bon's neck. He didn't know whether to laugh or to cry harder. Hearing those words meant everything to him. There were still some things they needed to work on and his healing still needed fixing, but Rin knew that they would figure it out. They were a team after all.


End file.
